


Ah, The Joys of Student Life

by Pidgin



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, I tried to be funny, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, More characters to be added, Multi, Not Beta Read, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change, Swearing, Texting, chat fic, overuse of emojis, this is probably not funny smh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27786433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pidgin/pseuds/Pidgin
Summary: A dumb chat fic about dumb university students doing dumb things. Can’t blame them really, uni is a nightmare.
Relationships: Dorothea Arnault/Edelgard von Hresvelg, Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16





	1. Dorothea is the backbone of society

**Author's Note:**

> Here’s everyone’s usernames so it’s not confusing:
> 
> Edelgard: Edie  
> Hubert: Dark Spikes T  
> Ferdinand: Ferdinand von Aegir  
> Dorothea: ✨Ninki Minjaj✨  
> Petra: Brigid Pride💕  
> Caspar: theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST  
> Linhardt: zzz  
> Bernadetta: no

** Saturday, 11:40 **

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : Has anyone seen my hair straighteners I literally cannot find them

Edie: Dorothea I watched you put them away this morning

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : Yeah they’re not in the wardrobe where I usually put them 

Brigid Pride 💕 : Bathroom???

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : Not there either  🥺

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : hhhhh this is so frustratinggg they were so expensive as well  😤😤😤

Brigid Pride 💕 : they are being in here somewhere

Edie: Petra’s right they couldn’t have grown legs and walked out

zzz: Strange, Dorothea I could have sworn I saw Ferdinand using straighteners just like yours 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : Lin don’t fuck w me rn I’m fragile

zzz: I’m not lmao

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: he’s not I saw him too while I was running down the hall

zzz: wtf that was you??? I thought we were having an earthquake

Edie: and your first thought wasn’t to let everyone know and evacuate?

zzz: no ❤️

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: for your information Lin I was working out

zzz: no you weren’t you were being annoying

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: I thought u were my friend Lin  🥺

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : if youre gonna carry this convo on could you guys dm I’m having a crisis 🤩

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : I’m gonna flay ferdie

Dark Spikes T: I can assist you in that endeavour if you wish 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : thank u Bert ur the only real one here  😔💕

Dark Spikes T: please refrain from thrusting such repulsive affection at me or I will turn you inside out 

zzz: ooo kinky 

Dark Spikes T: Linhardt I will fillet you 

zzz: don’t stop  😫💦

no: he went offline I can hear him yelling

Ferdinand von Aegir: What’s going on and why is Hubert shouting?

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : YOU

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : FUCKER

Ferdinand von Aegir: Dorothea why are you yelling at me :(

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : YOU KNOW EWHY YOU ASSHOLE

Ferdinand von Aegir: I don’t I’m so lost :(((

Brigid Pride 💕 : Have you not had reading the past messages 

zzz: give him a minute

Ferdinand von Aegir: Dorothea I’m sorry I didn’t know these were yours

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : Ferdie pls tell me what went through ur mind when u found the straighteners

Ferdinand von Aegir: I saw them and said wow I would like to try straightening my hair :D

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : you didn’t even think “huh these hair straighteners aren’t mine and have been left unattended”

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: DOROTHEA CAN I TRY???

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : no bitch what the fuck

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: you’re so mean to me  🥺

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : no bby I’m protecting you from burning your hair off 

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: okay :,(

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : @Ferdinand Von Aegir can I just have my straighteners back if you don’tgive them back now I can’t promise you’ll have all your limbs when you wake up tomorrow

Ferdinand von Aegir: I’ll clean them and put them by your door just give me a few minutes

Ferdinand von Aegir: again I’m so sorry please don’t remove any of my limbs

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : I won’t if I have my straighteners in ten minutes 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : u could buy ur own u literally have so much money

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : where did he go????

zzz: I think he’s actually doing as he’s told Dorothea

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : Good now I won’t have to commit any crimes today 

** Saturday, 13:17 **

Edie: So who was in charge of getting the groceries this time?

Brigid Pride 💕 : If I am remembering right it was Bernadetta and Caspar

Edie: ah so that’s why there’s hardly anything we asked for and so much stuff we don’t need

Edie: Like come on guys 

Dark Spikes T: Edelgard I can go out and get the items that are missing if you wish

Edie: No Hubert it’s ok either we have pop tarts and fruit gummies for dinner every day this week or we just order take out 

Edie: this is going to be so expensive oh my god

Brigid Pride 💕 : if you don’t mind my suggesting, all of us should be paying in to getting more groceries 

Dark Spikes T: unfortunately Petra is right Edelgard

Edie: god this is giving me a migraine @theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST why are you like this 

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: ???

Edie: you know what you’ve done 

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: ohh the groceries, I’m ngl the list wasn’t appealing to my tastes 

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: if anything this is bernie’s fault just as much as it’s mine she let me put all that food into the basket and didn’t say anything 

no: Caspar I was having a panic attack :(((

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: a what?

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : I’m ngl I don’t think Bernie has adapted to shopping with Caspar and I would like to humbly request switching grocery partners with her 

Edie: that’s probably for the best I’ll go update the list on the refrigerator in a bit 

no: thank you Edie  🥺💕

Edie: you’re very welcome Bernie

no: Dorothea who was your groceries partner btw 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : Petra

Brigid Pride 💕 : do not have fear Bernie you are in my safe hands

no: thank you Petra ily

Brigid Pride 💕 : there is no problem Bernadetta 

Edie: Now as punishment @theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST you’re going right back out to the grocery store and getting what was actually on the list 

Edie: And Dorothea will be coming with you this time 

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: Edelgard this isn’t fair man Dorothea bullies me

Edie: good

Dark Spikes T: good

zzz: good

no: good

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : good

Ferdinand von Aegir: good

Brigid Pride 💕 : am I supposed to be in agreement?

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: no Petra they’re being mean 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : don’t listen to him babes x

Brigid Pride 💕 : oh okay

Brigid Pride 💕 : good

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: I hate you all I’m gonna go live with Ashe >:(

zzz: that little Literature student? The one that works at the cat cafe? ????The one who you’ve only known for a year and a half whereas you’ve known all of us for at least two times that??????????

zzz: I thought we were your only friends Caspar

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: hey screw you Ive made plenty of other friends  😡

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: one of them friends being Ashe he’s very cool and isn’t a stinky bully 

zzz: we’re not bullying you Caspar we’re simply right 

zzz: ok maybe we bully you a little bit but it’s out of love 

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: out of love my ass I’m leaving 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : you’re not going anywhere yet you’re coming with me and we’re gonna buy food that’s actually edible 

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: ugh fine

** Saturday, 21:15 **

Ferdinand von Aegir: who is blasting that awful music?

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: hey for once I promise you it’s not me

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: I’m at Ashe’s rn his housemates are cooler than you guys  😎

theBESTandalsotheCOOLEST: especially this one guy called Felix he said he’d fight me so he did and now the kitchen table is broken and Ashe is letting me play Nintendogs on his DS

Edie: Better their table than ours

Edie: okay who is actually playing that music I’m trying to go through my notes

zzz: I can’t mf sleep I’m going to commit violence 

Brigid Pride 💕 : I will not be being a snitch

Ferdinand von Aegir: Petra please :(

Brigid Pride 💕 : It’s Hubert

Edie: Petra for once I don’t believe you 

Brigid Pride 💕 : I am telling you a truth  ☹️

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : it’s ok Petra I believe you 

zzz: tf you’re not even here rn

zzz: bitch where are u??? The circus???

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : omg fuck off I had a bar gig tonight 

Edie: You didn’t tell us Dorothea we would have come to watch 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : I’m sorry I kinda thought everyone was busy  🥺🥺🥺

Edie: We’re never too busy for you Dorothea 

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : aww Edie  💕💓💓💕💝💖💖💘💕💓💓💘💘💖💘💝💘💖💘💕💕💗💓💘💘

zzz: are you two being gay in this pure Christian group chat? Despicable

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : shut up Lin you’re literally in love with everyone you make eye contact with

zzz: at least I’m getting some lmao

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : at least I’m in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship  🤩🤩🤩

zzz: ouch

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : okay I take that back that was a bit mean :(

zzz: thanks

✨ Ninki Minjaj ✨ : you’ll find the right one eventually  🥺

zzz: someone rich enough to support my scientific endeavours would be nice

Edie: Isn’t Ferdinand rich?

zzz: ew no thanks 

Ferdinand von Aegir: :((((

zzz: Ferdie open your purse  🤩

Ferdinand von Aegir: what?

Ferdinand von Aegir: you know what, never mind 

Edie: I’m too busy crying over my politics notes could someone go ask Hubert to turn his goth music down

zzz: not me I’m too busy staying in bed 

Brigid Pride 💕 : I cannot 

Ferdinand von Aegir: I don’t feel like getting hung, drawn and quartered tonight so not me

Edie: @no could you? I know you two have bonded over your similar aesthetics 

no: 😰

Edie: please? Do it for us Bernie you’re one of three people in this house Hubert has actually come to tolerate 

no:....

no: okay

Edie: thank you Bernie I’ll walk you to class on Monday if you like <3

no: thank you I’d like that  🥺

zzz: ah,,, peace

Dark Spikes T: Edelgard you should have just called me if my music was a distraction

Edie: I doubt you would have heard your ringtone Hubert

Dark Spikes T: I’m very sorry I shouldn’t have been so inconsiderate

Edie: it’s alright now

Dark Spikes T: if you say so

Edie: What were you doing anyway? It’s not like you to listen to loud music

Dark Spikes T: that’s something I can’t tell you unfortunately

zzz: probably jacking off

Dark Spikes T: Linhardt you are repulsive

zzz: well were you?

Dark Spikes T: Your days are numbered 

zzz: you’re avoiding the question 

zzz: @no what did you see when you asked Hubert to turn the music down?

no: I don’t want to talk about it 

zzz:  👀

zzz: anything you’d like to say in your defence Hubert?

Dark Spikes T: with the way things are going I think I will be staying over at Ashe’s as well


	2. Sylvain: I think I will cause problems today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to the Blue Lions for this au fic, they’re all going to the same uni/college!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blue Lions usernames for u:
> 
> Dimitri: Boar  
> Dedue: PleaseDoNotEatTheWeeds  
> Felix: I hate the Boar  
> Sylvain: youknowwhoitis  
> Ingrid: HorseGirl  
> Mercedes: Mumcedes  
> Annette: Annie!  
> Ashe: Ubert14684

** Sunday, 6:00 **

youknowwhoitis: Ingrid you have left me no choice but to message the gc

youknowwhoitis: basically Ingrid is mad at me because of course she is and she’s hidden my keys can someone let me in 

Annie!: Sylvain it’s not even light out yet what the fuck are you doing outside?

youknowwhoitis: I went out last night Ive been outside the door since 5am  😔

Annie!: Jesus fuck it’s freezing outside I’m coming down

I hate the Boar: no let him stay there 

youknowwhoitis: Felix  😣

Annie!: Felix has threatened me with violence unfortunately I can’t help you Sylvain :((((

youknowwhoitis: thanks for trying :((((

I hate the Boar: asshole

youknowhoitis: I didn’t even say anything  🧍

I hate the Boar: what the fuck were you even doing last night???

youknowwhoitis: wow felix I never knew I had to tell you where I was at every hour of every day

I hate the Boar: fuck off I probably don’t even need to ask considering the amount of unfamiliar underwear mixed in with your laundry 

I hate the Boar: that I had to do as punishment for breaking the kitchen table btw

I hate the Boar: I never want to do that again you fucking suck and so does every person you sleep with 

youknowwhoitis: hey for your information this time she was a really sweet girl  😡

I hate the Boar: I literally do not give a fuck

youknowwhoitis: can someone just let me iiiinnnnn???? Please?

Annie!: Sylvain I can see you from my window why are you in your gym gear it’s cold as fuck out there???

youknowwhoitis: it’s all I had that was clean enough 

I hate the Boar: disgusting 

Momcedes: this is too much fuss for a Sunday morning I’m coming down

I hate the Boar: no don’t he should suffer 

I hate the Boar: Mercedes I swear to god if you let him in

Annie!: Felix she’s not scared of you lol

youknowwhoitis: lmao get fucked Felix 

youknowwhoitis: ugh thank god finally I thought my toes were gonna fall off

Momcedes: @I hate the Boar @HorseGirl I don’t care how much you don’t like Sylvain you can’t leave him out in the freezing cold like that

youknowwhoitis: thank you Mercie  🥺💖

Momcedes: no problem Sylvie  ☺️

I hate the Boar: It’s not my fault Sylvain is annoying

youknowwhoitis: aww Felix I know you love me really

I hate the Boar: no I don’t fuck off

youknowwhoitis: my high school prom date states otherwise 

I hate the Boar: I’m going to slit your throat that was a one time thing

youknowwhoitis: :((((

Annie!: I still have photos two you looked so good together  🥺

youknowwhoitis: It was nice while it lasted 

I hate the Boar: no it wasn’t I’m gonna fuck you up

youknowwhoitis: well if you say so  😳😳😳

Annie!: If you two are gonna aggressively make out could you at least keep that shit to yourselves 

Annie!: fucks sake

** Sunday, 14:00 **

Boar: @PleaseDoNotEatTheWeeds thank you for the lunch you made us earlier it was delicious 

youknowwhoitis: yeah omg Dedue it was delicious 

PleaseDoNotEatTheWeeds: It was my pleasure 

youknowwhoitis: way better than what Ingrid made last week this time I didn’t have to worry about getting food poisoning 

HorseGirl: hey what the hell man I thought you said it was good

youknowwhoitis:  😐

HorseGirl: Dimitri said it was good :(

youknowwhoitis: ...

HorseGirl: What?

Boar: What?

youknowwhoitis: luv Dimitri cant taste food

Boar: sorry Ingrid  😔

Boar: the texture was okay though 

HorseGirl: thanks

HorseGirl: also what are we going to do about the table in the kitchen

Boar: We’re gonna have to get a new one ig

Boar: who wants to go to Ikea with me and Dedue?

Momcedes: I’m free I’ll come

Boar: That’d be nice

Boar: A nice relaxing afternoon with the most sane people in my life 

youknowwhoitis: wow so I’m not included in that?

Boar: no Sylvain you are not

youknowwhoitis: feelsbadman 

** Sunday, 15:25 **

PleaseDoNotEatTheWeeds: @Boar @Momcedes it appears that I have lost you 

Annie!: uh ohhhh

Momcedes: oh Dedue I’m so sorry I’ll make my way over to you right away!

Momcedes: I’m with Dimitri I’ll bring him too we were looking at the cafe menu

PleaseDoNotEatTheWeeds: Thank you I’m in the lighting section

Momcedes: ah I see you I’m coming over now

** Sunday, 19:45 **

HorseGirl: @Ubert14684 when is your friend going home?

Ubert14684: I’m not too sure atm he said his housemates are pretty mad at him

HorseGirl: with the state the kitchen was in yesterday I totally can’t help but wonder why

Ubert14684: yeah sorry about that  😔

HorseGirl: no it’s alright if anything it was Felix’s fault

I hate the Boar: hey he asked for it 

HorseGirl: I’m sure he didn’t mean whatever he said that made you mad enough to do that

I hate the Boar: no he literally asked for it

HorseGirl: What the fuck

Boar: I think we’ve both known Felix long enough to know that he won’t miss an opportunity to fight people lol

I hate the Boar: fuck off Dimitri

Boar: :(

Ubert14684: oh hey Caspar said he’s going now 

Momcedes: tell him I said it was nice having him  💕

Ubert14684: I will

Momcedes: he’s such a nice boy when he’s not breaking things  😔

Annie!: Mercie you’re talking about him like he’s a little kid

Momcedes: maybe I am

Annie!: Mercie you can’t adopt him  😔

Momcedes: you’re right that’s very unfortunate

Ubert14684: His housemates said you can have him lol 

Annie!: omg

Annie!: please no we can’t afford a demolished house every week

Ubery14684: is he that bad? :(

Annie!: nah Caspar’s fun it’s just that putting him, Felix and Sylvain in a room together is a spell for disaster 

youknowwhoitis: it was pretty funny though

Annie!: what exactly happened?

youknowwhoitis: basically Caspar asked Felix to body slam him from on top of the fridge

Annie!: huh? How is that even possible???

Ubert14684: Ive been asking myself the same thing

youknowwhoitis: it was fucking funny tho lmao

Boar: Caspar can still come over but maybe restrict the fun to video games next time?

Ubert14684: of course thanks Dimitri 

Boar: And Felix if you do want to fight Caspar you can do that outside 

I hate the Boar: .

Boar: Right thanks

** Sunday, 23:40 **

Momcedes: Before I go to bed I’m warming up milk and cookies does anybody want some?

Annie!: meeee

Ubert14684: I’d like some too if that’s not too much trouble

Momcedes: of course  💖

Momcedes: anybody else?

Annie!: I don’t think so, Dedue went to bed an hour ago and I can hear the others screaming 

Ubert14684: why???

Annie!: I think they’re trying to catch a spider 

Momcedes: oh yikes 

HorseGirl: spider has been disposed of

HorseGirl: albeit by Felix using a knife hidden in his room but yh spider gone emergency over

Momcedes: poor spider :(

Annie!: :(

Ubert14684: :(

Annie!: tomorrow morning I’m gonna hold a funeral for the spider everyone’s welcome to join 

HorseGirl: fucking hell

Annie!: in the spider’s defence it wasn’t hurting anyone 

HorseGirl: I thought you were scared of spiders?

Annie!: maybe I am doesn’t mean I want to kill them tho  😤

Ubert14684: the killing part was a bit unnecessary 

HorseGirl: you can say that to Felix in the morning 

Ubert14684: fine I will

Annie!: beat his ass Ashe  😤😤😤

Ubert14684: I wasn’t planning on going that far slow down Annette  😰

Annie!: ok then  😔

Momcedes: now that’s over with I think that we should all head to bed now

Annie!: night 💕

Ubert14684: good night  ✨

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading 💕


End file.
